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TOMORROW will be cool and windy, with a chance of total apocalypse.

That, at least, is the prediction of Harold Camping, the 89-year-old founder of a Christian cult that disseminates numerological interpretations of the Bible to followers via a network of FM radio stations in the US and podcasts on its website.
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Familyradio.com says God ''wants us to know that exactly 7000 years after He destroyed the world with water in Noah's day, He plans to destroy the entire world forever''.

Through a complex series of calculations, Mr Camping has arrived at the date of May 21, 2011, as Judgment Day, when only true believers will be spared.

But if you're not quite ready for the Rapture, there's no need for total despair … yet. Saturday is just the beginning of the end. The final fiery ball of damnation won't visit us until October 21.

Mr Camping bases his calculations on a model in which the number 5 equals ''atonement'', the number 10 equals ''completeness'', and the number 17 equals ''heaven''.

Miraculously, the square of the multiple of those numbers produces the exact number of days from the birth of Christ to the day of judgment. (For a full analysis of his approach, see refutecamping.com.)

Bonkers though it may seem to the non-believers, enough people have been convinced by Mr Camping's reasoning that by 2007 his organisation had assets worth $US122 million ($115 million), according to ministrywatch.com, a website that assesses the suitability of various Christian groups as recipients of donations.

Family Radio was given a three-star ''financial efficiency'' rating (out of five) from the website, but come Sunday it's hardly going to matter.

That perhaps explains the proliferation of billboards in Australian capital cities booked by the free-spending Family Radio that urge people to ''cry mightily unto God'' because ''Judgment Day is coming''.

Like they say, you can't take it with you.

Of course, one man's eternal damnation is another man's golden opportunity, and American company Eternal Earth-Bound Pets has grabbed its chance with all four paws.

''You've committed your life to Jesus,'' its pitch begins. ''You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes, what's to become of your loving pets?''

For a fee of $135, the ''confirmed atheists'' at Eternal promise to save one pet per residence ''should the Rapture occur within 10 years of receipt of payment''. They'll take additional pets for $20 each.

Meanwhile, there are some who see the end of the world as a good reason to party. The Atheist Foundation of Australia is planning a farewell shindig at the Elephant and Wheelbarrow in St Kilda on Saturday afternoon. Sunday, of course, could be hell.

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/world/cult-claims ... zz1MruyIvt

When Judgment Day comes - which some US Christian fundamentalists insist will happen on Saturday - have you thought about what you're going to do with the family dog and cat?

In 26 US states, you could have them rescued and adopted by enterprising atheists who have set up a business to care for the animal companions of any Christians who are selected to go to heaven when Jesus Christ comes back.

"You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes, what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind?" Eternal Earth-Bound Pets says on its website, offering to "take that burden off your mind".
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The post-doomsday pet rescue service already has 259 clients, who have paid $135 for the first pet and $US20 for each additional pet at the same address, to ensure the faithful animal companions are looked after and loved even when their Christian owners have gone to the other side.

All the rescuers are sworn atheists, which means they will definitely be left behind on Earth, ready to rescue pets after the Rapture, which one US Christian fundamentalist group has pencilled in for Saturday.

When Judgment Day happens, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets co-founder Bart Centre "will notify all of our rescuers to go into action and they will drive to the homes of anyone who's signed a contract with us, pick up their pets and take them home and adopt them as their own, keeping them happy and healthy for the rest of their lives.

"This will happen only if and when the Rapture happens. So we do not expect to have to do anything on Saturday," Mr Centre said.

Contracts are good for 10 years, just in case the Mayan calendar prophesy, which predicts the world will end in December next year, comes true.

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/world/strangebutt ... z1Mrw02jXy

So my new tyres are going to last me one day